About 3 weeks ago, I stopped by a friend’s office to chat. While there, this girl he works with comes around, I am a gentleman, I offer a handshake and I introduce myself. “Hi, I am Ian. You are pretty, what’s your name?” I said. And immediately, she retracted her hand saying, “Ian? Ian Paul?” I replied, “I believe so. Yes. Yes I am”
She then looks at this friend of mine [let’s call him Lugambo.] She then looks at Lugambo and simpers. I get curious, unless we have a mutual close friend, strangers normally don’t react like they’ve ‘heard’ about me. Oh shit! They do. When you have friends like Lugambo who can’t seem to lie about everything like normal people do.
“Should I run for my life now or hope that your pastor prophesied you’d marry an Ian Paul,” I joked but I really wasn’t. She’s pretty, a prophecy of us would be welcome with offertory in dollars like this new breed of pastors demands. And running for my life would be much desired too as my boss would be on Skype looking for me any second.
Lugambo interrupted at this point, trying to vindicate his yet to be confirmed betrayal. “I told her about all this crazy shit we be up to…” He said before I swooped in. “We? Am I part of this plural?” I asked. “Come on man, she was there that night at The Wink. The chic with the ponytail in the purple dress. The one I’d told you about,” Lugambo’s mouth was now spiralling right out of control. “I told her how you wanted to talk to her all night but feared she was probably out of your league,” he concluded with his mouth finally under control.
First of all, it didn’t go down like that. I did not fear she “was out of my league.” I feared she “was not in my league” in that moment. Two completely different scenarios. She looked fly that night and expensive. I only had what! Just about enough for a few shots and if my Uber wasn’t on my visa, I’d probably have slept on… I’d probably have never gone out.
What this actually was is a serious case of betrayal. Lugambo neglected the basic rules of hooking up two friends. Let the guy know that you are bringing someone. I’ll in turn let my landlord know that the rent might be a little late and I’ll come strapped with that rent money. That’s a joke. A realistic joke however.
Anyway… We laugh about it, only that I wasn’t laughing at his cute story. I was laughing at how he had no idea I’d obviously revenge.
She then says it was sweet that I feared because I thought she was not in my league. It made her feel nice. And that seeing me in my work clothes and her dressed like “I am staying at home today” made her feel like maybe it’s the other round. At which I looked at Lugambo and smirked.
“How about we plan to meet? We can both fairly represent our different leagues,” I proposed looking at her dead in the eye. She smiled in approval. “It’s a date then. Who knows, we might even play for the same league someday,” I said smugly walking away with an imaginary explosion in the background.
So Ian, how did that date go? Well, I’d tell you, but this story is mostly made up. Or not!