2nd Letter to the Future Mother of My Child

Dear Future Mother of My Child,

It’s me again. So, I’ve been thinking…

Even before it happens, foresee that time you’ll use the baby to get me to buy for you something expensive, and keep that in mind as you read all this.

So, I’ve been thinking… since we will most probably be inter-married for a lot of obvious reasons i.e. I can’t solely rely on what I look like to ensure a cute baby – that would be a disaster; and several other reasons.

There is this thing about whose vernacular the baby should learn first and eventually make their second language; let’s face it, English being the common ground for me and you, the baby will definitely adopt it as its first language.

This thing has come up a lot of times because I haven’t dated anyone from my tribe. It’s not deliberate refusal to, I guess women from my tribe are just not that attracted to my occasional mild western overbearing pride. Or simply not attracted to me.

Ps: The italic stuff written in brackets, you are not supposed to read those.

Pretending that you are not reading – now to the rest of you; the women from my tribe are hot! Even hotter than the ‘Kasana’ that has been scotching us in Kampala these last few months. To have never dated one is an inexcusable shame on my side. I actually can’t even begin to try and understand why i haven’t. Am such a disappointment! We all deserve the finest of everything and the women from my place! God intended to be accurate with every curve and bump. Thinking about it now, may she should be…  ]

Well, I think the baby should learn my language first. Why? I actually don’t have a good reason why. I am just using you using the baby to get me to buy something expensive for you as the bargain.

If you let me have this too, I’ll not complain when the now grown baby pretends to prefer the Audi when I’ve gone to the dealership with a Toyota Camry on the budget. Even knowing that you influenced the baby, I’ll happily write that cheque for the red Audi.

And given that you might be from a Bantu-speaking tribe as well, the baby will eventually learn your language and be fluent at it. One thing you should know, I genuinely want the baby to learn both languages. I’d be a very proud father if my baby can hold his own while with your family and even while with mine.

Did I say red Audi? Oops! Well, now you know!

Your loving future husband




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