I Dislike Dealing With Emotions / Feelings
The most frustrating thing about emotions and feelings is how much they knock you off your guard. I say this from experience and not once or twice but more than thrice.
One of my significantly defining character traits is being in control at all times. I get extremely uncomfortable when I am not in control. Being in control keeps me calm and grounded allowing me to think without obstruction.
Emotions and feelings have over time been factors that made me lose control. And when I lose control, I panic because I am in unfamiliar territory and when I panic, I become irrational. Which as a matter of fact, is where all my relationship problems begin – my irrationality.
Knowing this flaw about my character has bred that “in control” trait that keeps me sane.
Not to be an “ass” about it, I know I cannot always be in control but when I can, I am. When I can’t, I accept it and work with that disadvantage maintaining my calm nonetheless.
How This Is Bad For My Relationships?
This discomfort that grew into a dislike for emotions and feelings, has made me impartial to certain situations where I need to let my feeling show. This however, does not happen all the time. I actually let my emotions show a lot of times, I never deny myself the feeling of enjoying a moment.
I just don’t let my emotions and feelings sit at the table when a decision needs to be made. I let logic, reason and facts take the lead. No matter what, I never let my feelings or emotions decide what I do next.
This is another thing that frustrates the women am involved with. It makes it seem like I don’t care, I am not interested or whatever they just did to elicit an expected emotion wasn’t good enough. It makes them feel like I am hard to please or I simply don’t appreciate the effort they put in.
But I do, I appreciate them, their effort and especially for tolerating me, I just show it differently. This conflict in what level of emotion they expect from me is a problem, one I have tweaked along the many failed relationships to manage better.