Why I Suck at Relationships – part 1 of 7

This may shock my aunts especially but well; at 23 and 9 failed relationships later, I have done some soul gazing. And what may not come as a surprise to you but a ridiculously surprising one to me is;

I AM ACTUALLY THE PROBLEM. Always have been.

Here is one of the things: one of the biggest reasons my good God must let me be successful is to give me a fair chance at a relationship that will work.

I dream too big, I am not too ambitious but my dreams are relatively wild. This is very good for my life, my career and my job. But it is horrible for my relationships. You know why?

Because for my relationships my big dreams come off as empty promises. My anticipation for what I want to do for us in the future comes off as a ga damn lie when the time reaches and I don’t live up to it.

I am still struggling, although impressively well, but I am. A few more important things will always come up. Hmm… Like what? Family, emergencies, work etc…

Now, I could tone this down a little bit but I can’t, it’s who I am. I hope for the best always and I can’t help but talk about it. It inevitably frustrates my girl out of her mind and before you know it, we have to break up because of my “empty or unrealistic promises.”

Truth is, it took me a whole lot of time to realize this. If I had, I’d have done something about it already. I am just realizing it now when another relationship is fighting for its life.

I cannot and will not or ever, apologize for wanting to do things big all the time. I just can’t do small things, it’s either big or i don’t do it. Doing things small isn’t how I was raised, it isn’t the lifestyle I’ve cultivated and it certainly isn’t who I am. If something must be done right, it needs to make a statement.

I can however apologize for always telling you my wild dreams for us, for you and for myself too – this goes to everyone. Moving forward, it will always be surprise attack like someone in history did. No plans, no anticipation, no promises, shit will just happen or not happen.

That said, what do you think about a baby next year?


6 thoughts on “Why I Suck at Relationships – part 1 of 7

  1. I’ve got to say I feel like a stalker reading this. But then again, Isn’t that what reading is all about.That said. While you explore yourself in this regard. I’m wondering will you assess how good you might be at being single. I’ve been reading a book that taught me. The better you are at being single, the easier it is to be at relationships.. I dont know how true this might be for you. It was just a thought. So if its not easy for you to say wash your own clothes/ ask or order a system where you get it done. they having someone else come and do it for you for free become a dependent responsibility. Also they say talk is cheap but its not so easy to shut up and accomplish because with achieving, you need help from people.. So maybe talk is cheap if you talk to the wrong people about it… okay.. This is longer than a comment. All the best with that baby.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You raise a valid point actually, I should assess how good I might be at being single. That said, I think it would rather be the opposite, how good you are at being single inevitably makes it harder for you to be in a relationship. Could be the case with me; I am so comfortable being single when am in a relationship I have no idea what to do with someone else being around now. And speaking of getting things done, I like to do all my things by myself, I have this weird thing “IF I CAN DO IT MYSELF, WHY BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE.” Given that they probably won’t do it with my level of efficiency and precision, I like to do all my things my way. Also weirdly, I realized ever since I started freely talking about this and writing about it, I am getting better at managing my relationships with people. Like they say, the first step to solving a problem is admitting that it is a problem. And about the baby, that was an absolute joke. Baby is for 2020.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Your quote begins with ‘If’. so what happens if you can’t. How you manage getting help when you are single when you can’t do ‘it’ on your own makes it easier for you to understand the limitations of your mate.In this case it was your dreams are too big. Have you ever had a dream too big, even for you?

    My point is. In a relationship. there is what you can do, What she can do, Where those intersect. and no mans land. while in singleness You have two less, what she can do and that intersection. The hope in a relationship is
    A) You appreciate what she can do; meaning you make no man’s land smaller. but understand you still need friends associates, and your mentors to get ish done. So its easier to deal with the holes.
    B) You appreciate her take on what she can do that you can too. because when the baby comes in 2020.. you will need the extra hands. Also. the beauty with relating is you get to teach her how you do your things. and she does the same with you. Lets say she’s not able to match your standards. It goes back to being your thing. I’m sure there are things she will be good at. and those, she will retreat to.

    My inability to let this one go stems from the fact that I think you concluded too fast on it. I think you need’t apologise for having big dreams, but maybe for unrealistic deadlines, or not coming through, yet, and hope, pray, believe she is patient enough to hang in there. if she isn’t. She might be too depend on you and have nothing to retreat to. and also she might not be dealing too well with ‘no man’s land. to be the one to complete you. The dreams should became smaller and easier to manage when she joins you.

    But hey, what does a single crusader know about relationships.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I must say this is the most eye opening insight I’ve ever gotten on this topic. I agree with you almost entirely. And hey, this single crusader actually has her relationship points on check. I agree with you, i shouldn’t apologize for my big dreams which by the way aren’t too big to handle, i should just manage my timelines better and how i approach them. Also the point of needing an extra hand for the things i cannot do, i agree. There are pretty of stuff i suck at that i could use someone to learn from and if it’s someone i am in a relationship with, then that sounds like a worthy adventure.

      Liked by 1 person

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