The illiterate Fight Of The Century Analyst

Thanks to bandwagon effect, I found myself anticipating the fight of the century like everyone else. Very many people knew nothing about Manny Pacquiao till a few weeks ago, and even still after the fight, all they know is that the guy who prayed before the fight should have won.

I woke up a few minutes past 6:00 and made my way to the bar that was showing the fight on a projector. I got there a bit too late and finding all the good seats were already taken, I found myself seated on the counter top with boda boda cyclists and the natives of the village.

The fight was undoubtedly interesting but where I was seated, there was better entertainment after all Floyd spent most of his time jogging away from Manny. My neighbors had the most outrageous facts about these two fighters and the fight.

There was this individual that kept assuring his friends how Manny had to win because he had training from the “Chinese FBI.” Yes! Ugandans can be that ridiculous.

He further said that Manny graduated top of his class in the boxing division. Lying with the sort of unplayful face he wore has never been that perfectly done. I refrained from interrupting, I love naïve comedy and I wanted to see how far he would take his friends.

He continued to illogically analyze the fight for his friends and I remember hearing him say, “Floyd is not a steady guy because he is a drunkard.” When his less gullible friend seemed to question that fact, this dude asked him to look at Floyd’s eyes and observe how red they are. “That’s Nile special only” (Nile special is a beer brand in Uganda.)

What floored me was when his less gullible friend concurred with this analysis and added that there must be a mix of Uganda Waragi, Nile special alone can’t make your eyes that red. Wow! I know, these gentlemen were on a roll.

Whenever Manny Pacquiao landed a good jab, this guy turned to his friends and put a name to the strike. He had terms like “speedy grab,” justifying it by saying it’s because the way the punch grabbed his face was so swift and spry.

The most memorable one for me was, “right dodge-left punch.” What!??? “Did you see how he dodged him from the right and punched him from the left?” Really man? That’s where the term comes from!?

The comedy escalated when the fight ended and the chief analyst told his friends, that they might as well leave because Manny has won. But before they could make their way out, Mayweather was announced winner. SHOCKER!!! He argued that the judges did not know what they were doing.

One of his friends then told him, “the entire time you were telling us about the fight I said nothing because I knew you were lying.” Then an argument egressed from the debate and one of his friends demanded for his money.

The story here was, he had placed a bet on Floyd but given the chief analyst’s unquestionable wisdom about the two fighters and the fight, he had reversed his decision and placed a bet on Manny instead. Therefore, this friend of theirs who played chief analyst owed him money for convincing him with his lies and thus leading to the loss of his hard earned cash.

Suspecting an impending fight from the collar grabbing and insults flying all over the place, I left the bar and walked as fast as I could to grab my computer and write this.

2 thoughts on “The illiterate Fight Of The Century Analyst

  1. Very impressive piece…I wish I had watched the fight from the same bar as you did. Am nursing a broken rib from “right dodge left punch”


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