1. GET DRUNK
I have a phobia for not being in control. This phobia has absolutely prevented me from getting drunk. I am just not brave enough to get drunk and do some dumb shit I can’t remember the next day. And with the sort of friends I have where exaggeration is a key component of telling your story, getting drunk is not an option.
I cannot bring myself to a physical confrontation. What if one of my already short sighted eyes is removed or I lose a tooth. I look funny enough without those deformities, I don’t want to make it worse. However if I was defending my mum’s or sister’s or girlfriend’s honor, I’d give it a hopeless shot.
I am good enough at the things I’d gladly brag about being good at. To compete means I let someone else (the judge) crash my ego and self-esteem by telling me am not good enough. Hell no! I’ve been fortunate enough to win 70% of the competitions I’ve participated in. That was risky enough and am not brave enough to do that again. Unless I have no option. I fear competition so much I’d not attempt to compete for my parents, what if this other kid wins!???
4. DANCE IN PUBLIC
I am not the world’s worst dancer but neither am I in the top 500 million best dancers. With me and my music on, I am the best dancer and we both know it. Add a few more people and all that will change. It’s like crowds feed on my dance moves, the bigger the crowd the fewer the moves.
5. BE HONEST WHEN LYING IS THE ONLY KIND OPTION
Has one of your friends ever bought the ugliest shirt or dress you’ve ever seen and they seek your option with that face of, “isn’t this the most beautiful thing in the world?” That face alone corrupts my humanity. My judgment remains the same but the honesty of assuring them what an ugly thing that is, is something I don’t have within me. I always lie although I’ll never be caught walking with you in that shamefully ugly purchase you made.