WHEN FOOD DECIDES TO FIGHT BACK

I have several homes around the country so I travel a lot. Each one of them offers something different so am at a different location for a different reason at a time. I sometimes take the bus (not my preferred mode of transportation but I don’t always get to choose how I travel)

There is something that happens almost every time am on a bus. For those that use buses you know about the many stop overs the bus makes so that the passengers can get a bite. Well, somebody must eat like Christmas, Easter, thanksgiving, their birthday and New Year’s Day just fell on the same day and it’s a now or never situation. On several occasions this someone is my neighbor and I always wonder if others are dealing with this from their neighbors.

The last time I was on bus, as soon as I got a seat I found my neighbor a mukiga man eating maize. It was about 8:00 in the morning, a bit chilly and the maize looked like it was from the previous night. And how would I know? The way he was struggling to bite grains off the corn gave it away. You would never have to struggle like its “tag of war” if the maize was fresh.

Anyway, so the bus sets off and he is still munching on his left over maize. A few minutes later we make our first stop to pick up more passengers and he buys yoghurt to wash down the maize. Please note that the concoction now has left over maize and vanilla flavored yoghurt as the ingredients. The yoghurt is warmly welcomed by his “battle hardened” stomach.

On the next stop, he buys a locally manufactured herbal drink commonly known “Kazire” and pours it down to join the rest of the ingredients. At this point I can’t help but wonder if his stomach is used to this routine because already that seemed like unmanageable diarrhea in the making. Whatever was going on was like a behind the scenes.

After the Kazire drink has joined the rest of the ingredients, he then pulls out a stick of gum maybe to get rid of the sour-like taste from the Kazire drink. On the next stop he buys a 5 liter jerry can of milk, this however wasn’t for drinking on the bus (I hoped), and yeah it was probably for the children back home.

We then make an official stop over and here almost everyone buys something to eat. He buys three sticks of “muchomo” (roasted / barbecued meat), “gonja” (a roasted type of sweet banana) and a Coca-Cola soda. All this goes down with ease and joins the explosion that’s about to happen in his stomach.

Now we have left over maize, vanilla yoghurt, kazire, muchomo, gonja and Coca-Cola already battling it out in his stomach.

When we stop for a bathroom break, I leave the bus to go and stretch and maybe use the bathroom. Upon my return I find a chapatti on my seat and he tells me he bought two and decided to give me one. I politely refuse it and without taking any offence he immediately takes it and starts to eat it. Am guessing he was glad I refused it.

In brief, over the next stops, he eats a cake, grasshoppers, chicken and he takes water. The total ingredients were left over maize, vanilla yoghurt, kazire, muchomo, gonja, Coca-Cola, two chapattis, cake, grasshoppers, chicken and water before the flood gates opened.

Now the stomach has been pushed to the ultimate limit and like you would expect by now, it reached breaking point and snapped. He gets up and walks to the conductor and asks if they can make a quick stop so that he can use the toilet. Of course the conductor refused. He instead subjected him to an excruciating lecture about eating like a fool while travelling on public means. The conductor warned him that if the bus stopped, they would not wait for him and he would have to exit with all his luggage.

After much contemplation he took the deal, we left him in the next town and whatever happened thereafter, your imagination can build up from here.

paulothewriter@gmail.com

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2 thoughts on “WHEN FOOD DECIDES TO FIGHT BACK

  1. looooooooooooooools oh my God this is just too hilarious. Can’t stop laughing and can seriously see this happening. Witnessed that myself. Nice one Ian, impressed👌👌

    Liked by 1 person

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