One of my best friends (a she) and I have had this argument over and over again, well…
The jig is up, guys “gossip” too. Guys talk about people and things and situations and almost all of that stuff girls talk about.
The difference between when girls and guys gossip is at three levels. The intention, the audience and the honesty in whatever is being said.
When girls gossip, it’s destructive. It’s mean, it’s hurtful, it’s despising and it’s basically not true and if it is, it’s for the purpose of bringing someone down. I believe girls will make the prettiest girl feel like an ugly wench. They will put emphasis on how uneven her ankles are and how they make her walk funny.
Whereas when guys “gossip”, they basically state facts. I will relate this to the three levels mentioned above.
The intention; guys talk about things, people, they talk about girls, with the intention of highlighting the features, characteristics or assets they find exceptional. They will talk about Michelle’s nice ass, Nichole’s gorgeous eyes, Amanda’s heavenly legs et cetera (you get the drill). The intention is to acknowledge and give credit where due.
The audience; they never have the same audience. What he told Lucas about Michelle’s ass is exactly what he will tell Raymond. The conversation does not have a specific audience. They are not afraid when Michelle finds out she will come swinging sauce pans and strangling people with scarfs, no! What they are saying is the truth and a fact Michelle is damn proud of.
The honesty; Nichole has gorgeous eyes. How honest is that? Very honest. It’s something everyone that is not hating sees. I bet the chaplain would say the same about them but in a Godly context of course (it’d better be Godly).
So now you see, guys “gossip” too but why it’s not justified as gossip is because we are basically stating facts. You can call it guy talk. Nobody has time to be talking about an ugly girl, it’s a wastage of time so we don’t. But just in case we do, it’s still on truth basis because it is not a person’s darkest secret since you and everybody else know.
Now girls on the other hand, when you do gossip it’s destructive. Like nuclear war, suicide bomber type of destructive.
The intention; to destroy. To bruise egos, belittle competition and stay on top of the “food chain” as far as being desirable is concerned. I honestly cannot blame you, these things matter to you a great deal.
The audience; what Sasha tells Ella is not what she tells Racheal. Why? The gossip is between groups. When she is with Racheal they will talk about Ella and her boyfriend who wears the same jeans all the time. And when she is with Ella they will talk about Racheal’s misfortune and how she has failed to find a man.
The honesty; “Guys don’t like babes with such huge asses. They find them excess and disgusting” or “Guys don’t like skinny babes with no ass. They have nothing to grab on.” Like the hell we don’t!? And how would you know? When was the last time you were a guy? The honesty is an assumption. And let me clear this one out, guys don’t have a specific type in general. They might admire and lust for a specific type, but when it narrows down to whom he will date, it all goes back to the basics.
That’s my theory. What’s yours?